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«На себя посмотрите». Как перестать зависеть от чужого мнения?

В Москве в этот день было очень жарко, около 35 градусов, поэтому мы с семьей решили искупаться в озере в Монино. Я надела купальник, собрала небольшой рюкзачок и уже готова была ехать. Тут я слышу из кухни голос мамы: «Я никуда не поеду». У меня внутри все так и рухнуло. «Опять мы переругаемся и будем в эту жарюку сидеть дома, обиженные друг на друга, потому что мама не в настроении», – побежали мысли в голове. Я пришла на кухню и увидела, что она плачет.

— Почему ты не хочешь ехать?

 — Сама знаешь почему!

Этим «почему» был комплекс мамы – большое количество вен на ногах из-за наследственного варикоза. Долго нам с папой пришлось успокаивать маму и убеждать ее в том, что людям на пляже абсолютно все равно на то, как выглядят ее ноги. А если кто-то и обращает внимание, то это никак не отразиться на жизни и здоровье кого-либо, так что не стоит даже думать об этом. Мама парировала: «Когда я вижу людей с такой же проблемой, я понимаю, что это выглядит ужасно, что это уродство».

— Ты так считаешь только потому, что уже вбила в голову такие установки про себя и теперь перекидываешь их на людей с похожей ситуацией.

Маме нечего было ответить. После этого случая я задумалась, почему же люди готовы жертвовать своими радостями и приятным времяпрепровождением только потому, что кто-то что-то о них подумает.   

Прежде всего необходимо разобраться, откуда появляется такая зависимость от мнения окружающих. У истоков стоит неуверенность в себе. Оттуда уже вытекает и отсутствие любви к себе и своему телу, боязнь показаться глупым, чувство стыда за увлечения, интересы и жизненные взгляды. В одном из своих выступлений Михаил Лабковский, российский психолог и писатель, отмечал, что зависимость от мнения окружающих появляется у человека еще в детстве, если родители сами являлись неуверенными в себе личностями, слишком опекали его или бесконечно критиковали.  

Довольно часто если мы видим в себе какой-то недостаток, нам кажется, что его замечают все. На самом же деле в большинстве случаев изъян гиперболизируется нами и придумывается там, где этого недочета вообще нет. Перед тем, как начать загоняться из-за своего носа с горбинкой или «кривых» ног, поймите, что это скорее всего даже не недостаток, а изюминка в вашей внешности, какая-то отличительная и запоминающаяся черта, выделяющая вас среди других. Если же вы, как моя мама, уверены, что что-то вас портит и не дает нормально жить, постарайтесь это исправить. Если же ничего изменить невозможно, то придется поработать над своим сознанием и внести коррективы не во внешность, а во «внутренность», то есть в мозги.

Побороть зависимость от общественного мнения можно разными способами. Журнал «Psychologies» советует начать с восстановления самооценки. Для этого надо выписать на листок бумаги свои сильные стороны и уникальные качества. Благодаря списку можно понять, что вы действительно важная и сильная личность. Также психологи рекомендуют относиться к любому мнению скептически. По факту, мы не знаем, с какой целью человек говорит неприятные нам слова. Может быть, он хочет побольнее укольнуть вас или унизить перед другими, а может он просто что-то ляпнул, не подумав, не хотя вас никак задеть. Многие российские и зарубежные психологи твердят, что исход любого события зависит от нашей реакции на него. Если мы начнем убиваться из-за намеренной грубости другого человека, то мы фактически поможем ему выполнить эти подлые намерения. Если же мы улыбнемся и покажем, что разгадали мотивы его поступка, то неприятель окажется проигравшим.

От себя могу порекомендовать одну штуку, которая в свое время сделала меня в разы увереннее: просто делайте вид, что вы самодостаточный человек без комплексов. Поначалу у меня создавалось впечатление, что я выгляжу, как Пьеро, который прячется за веселой маской, но постепенно появилась любовь к себе и уверенность, что все получится. Довольно часто после моей работы над собой люди говорили, что что-то изменилось в моей внешности и характере, поэтому с уверенностью могу сказать, что эта техника отлично работает.  

Борьба с зависимостью от чужого мнения – это тяжелый бой с самим собой и людьми. Как и любая другая, схватка с обществом требует огромных усилий и неимоверной работой над собой и своей ментальной цельностью. Однако я уверена, что каждому стоит потратить сил на эту борьбу, чтобы жить полноценной и счастливой жизнью.

Источник фото: pinterest.ru

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